She went from zero to smokin in five shots
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
