its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
