there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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