I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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