Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
