the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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