dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it's great music for shaving your balls
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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