I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
