Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he was CRYING into my vagina
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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