My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
