I've blown a few things in my day
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
