I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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