the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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