I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
