the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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