i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
