imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
