I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
