Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
