We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
