What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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