Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
