It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
