Rock
Scissors
Fuck
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
