Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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