you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
