it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
