so that wasnt chicken after all
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
