Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
