She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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