He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
