??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
