So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
