Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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