ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
