I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
