I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
