Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
