I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
