i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
