so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
