Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
