So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
