If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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