paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
