Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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