I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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