Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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