Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
