Michael Bay diarrhea
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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