If that was your dad, he is hot
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
