There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
