you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
