I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
