I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
