so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
