just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think my vagina is haunted
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
