All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
