just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
my poor anus
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
