Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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