Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
